Well, I am supposed to journal everyday which I haven't yet...not once...so I thought maybe blogging would be better.
We have been trying DD for a couple months, but really it's only been the last couple weeks we've been living it fully. He is finally starting to really get it and enjoy the benefits. Although, I have to admit he is becoming very HOHie. But, that's what I wanted, right? I think...maybe...
This week has been interesting, especially today. He has been assigning tasks and following through on punishments. The biggest issue is my sass and show of disrespect. I will get irritated and go off...I hate this about myself and it was one of the main reasons I brought this to our marriage. Yes, I asked for this! Heellooo Crazy!!
Today started out great! He caught me in the bedroom gathering laundry and decided I needed a little maintenance/reminder spanking to keep me inline and help Motivate me as I completed what needed to get done today. Youch! His version of reminder and little and mine are a little different! But, he was right, of course.
Unfortunately it didn't take long for me to show disrespect and sass. I was trying to ask my oldest a question and he kept interrupting and answering. The problem was that I knew he was wrong in his answer (he actually was) and I told him to 'Shut-up and let the kid answer!' ACK!!! I am toast and I knew it!! When he came in he confirmed my fear. So, rather than submitting and accepting what had happened, I proceeded to get my tone that I get and lecture him! We are still learning, but at this point we are both there enough to know I have a punishment coming and it won't be pretty. Because of activities and a house full of kids it's been delayed, which irritates me to no end. I'm anxious and nervous and irritated!!!
He could have handled it then, all kids were outside, perfect time. But, he chose not to. I know he is the leader and I should trust his judgement and follow his lead, but that's really hard when he doesn't do it MY way!!!
MY Way...hmmmm...that's a big issue in our marriage, I'm very overbearing and outspoken, and not always in a good way. I've lectured and humiliated him for far too long. I brought this to our marriage because I wanted the peace I know it will bring. Problem is that even though I want this, sometimes I don't. It's not convenient for me all the time. My fear is that he is now pushing past that and it's becoming a constant. I fear yet welcome this.
As we learn and grow together I'm sure there will be a lot more spankings as I am not great at submitting when I just don't want to. But, I trust him and his leadership and decisions and will honor them. I am looking forward to the peace and harmony that I know will come!
~Olive
