Maintenance Mastered!

Don't let that title get you too excited! We really have NOTHING figured out. BUT, last week, we had what I'd like to think was the best maintenance session ever! Although if I'm being completely honest, it really shouldn't qualify as what most of us consider maintenance. Really it was more a good girl/fun spanking. But, if my HOH wants to call that maintenance, who am I am to argue?

We haven't been able to do much by way of TTWD, due to a house guest. The guest is gone, our house is now ours again (well, ours and a few small creatures that also inhabit it). This night, I was sitting in my chair, relaxing, when Popeye came up to me and held out his hand. Told me we were going upstairs, I needed maintenance. This is usually how we get back into the swing of things.

I have been wanting this, needing it. Waiting patiently for him to embrace his role. Then he does, and I FREAK! Maintenance? What? No! I'm tired, crabby, I was relaxing. I've been good...if I do say so myself, which I do! Yup, that is me. All I want is for my husband to embrace his dominance. Until he does that is! I am a walking contradiction. I am very dominant, and my husband really isn't. Unless I encourage it, and push, then he will but only if I'm submissive first. I want this. I want this even when I think I don't. I want him to take the lead without me feeling like I pushed him to. I am dominant because I feel I have to be (back story there, that may be another post). I don't want to be. I want to be his, his to take, his to lead, the one that trusts him and happily follows. I love making him happy and doing little things for him. But, I want him to push for those things even when I'm not playfully wanting to do it.

So, back to this maintenance night. I decided I better submit, that's what this is all about right? So, I followed him upstairs. He bent me over the bed. Gave me a few smacks with the horse whip thing we have (which I should note - I HATE) but then, that was pretty much it. My lecture was more seductive in tone, and the spanking was more fun and light and breezy. Followed by a little intimate dominance from my husband. Now, that I do love!

So, we are moving forward with really embracing this daily. Although I haven't really been spanked since. But, we've both been sick with that cold that seems to grab hold and last for weeks. We have talked though, and I think we are finally on the same page with this. Looking forward to what the future will hold, spankings and all!

Explosions and a Fresh Start

I started this blog 4 months ago, wrote one post and left it. Mostly because I couldn't update from my phone. Now I have a new toy to make updating easier and a much stronger need to blog.

A lot has happened in those 4 months. I brought this lifestyle to my husband. He was on board, but hesitant. We have embraced this change in dynamic, abandoned it, embraced it.... You get the idea.

Yesterday was a tough day for us. And, even though in the end we reconnected, things were said, and in the blink of an eye we were right back to fighting like we used to. We don't fight often, but when we do it can get ugly. I just have a temper and a mouth and use them to throw daggers with my words, going right for the throat if you will.

Hindsight being what it is, I now realize I was too wound up. I wasn't getting what I needed or my release, neither was he. We have a houseguest, have had one for about a month now. So spankings and intimacy have been almost non-existent in our little house. I guess I let it build until I exploded.

When the smoke cleared and we both had time to breath, he came to me, hugged me and we talked. Unfortunately with kids and a guest that was all we could do. But, as always we came out a little stronger and closer, but the words said still ringing in our ears.

I have a very type A take charge dominant personality. Submitting to my husband is easy when I choose to. Submitting all the time is hard. He is strong, but his desire to please me sometimes leads to his being more passive and not stepping up as much as he should. I'm learning...he's learning. I need a strong leader, even when I don't think I want it. I do believe as we commit more to this lifestyle and each other we will find the strength in each other to be what each of us desires and needs.

He is my Rock! Our journey is unique to us, and together I know we will always come out better and stronger, no matter how many times we stumble along the way.

He told me tonight that after yesterday he plans to embrace this more, that excited yet terrified me! Careful what you ask for!

I do know deep down, this is for us! We are already closer and stronger. I'm looking forward to it, even if the thought of punishment spankings make me cringe! I trust him with my whole heart, and welcome the strength and intimacy I know this brings as we embrace our roles a Dominant Leader and loving Sweet Submissive Wife.

Finally Here

Well, I am supposed to journal everyday which I haven't yet...not once...so I thought maybe blogging would be better.

We have been trying DD for a couple months, but really it's only been the last couple weeks we've been living it fully. He is finally starting to really get it and enjoy the benefits. Although, I have to admit he is becoming very HOHie. But, that's what I wanted, right? I think...maybe...

This week has been interesting, especially today. He has been assigning tasks and following through on punishments. The biggest issue is my sass and show of disrespect. I will get irritated and go off...I hate this about myself and it was one of the main reasons I brought this to our marriage. Yes, I asked for this! Heellooo Crazy!!

Today started out great! He caught me in the bedroom gathering laundry and decided I needed a little maintenance/reminder spanking to keep me inline and help Motivate me as I completed what needed to get done today. Youch! His version of reminder and little  and mine are a little different! But, he was right, of course.

Unfortunately it didn't take long for me to show disrespect and sass. I was trying to ask my oldest a question and he kept interrupting and answering. The problem was that I knew he was wrong in his answer (he actually was) and I told him to 'Shut-up and let the kid answer!' ACK!!! I am toast and I knew it!! When he came in he confirmed my fear. So, rather than submitting and accepting what had happened, I proceeded to get my tone that I get and lecture him! We are still learning, but at this point we are both there enough to know I have a punishment coming and it won't be pretty. Because of activities and a house full of kids it's been delayed, which irritates me to no end. I'm anxious and nervous and irritated!!!

He could have handled it then, all kids were outside, perfect time. But, he chose not to. I know he is the leader and I should trust his judgement and follow his lead, but that's really hard when he doesn't do it MY way!!!

MY Way...hmmmm...that's a big issue in our marriage, I'm very overbearing and outspoken, and not always in a good way. I've lectured and humiliated him for far too long. I brought this to our marriage because I wanted the peace I know it will bring. Problem is that even though I want this, sometimes I don't. It's not convenient for me all the time. My fear is that he is now pushing past that and it's becoming a constant. I fear yet welcome this.

As we learn and grow together I'm sure there will be a lot more spankings as I am not great at submitting when I just don't want to. But, I trust him and his leadership and decisions and will honor them. I am looking forward to the peace and harmony that I know will come!

~Olive